Bad

Sometimes i'll find myself in places where it crosses my mind that i'm just... bad. I do bad things. I'm a fucking nightmare. I'm that poster man of fuck up. I was that kid every parent worried their kid was with. I'll be in a park drinking whiskey mixed in with my slurpie and chain smoking and thinking back on the fight I had with my lady the night before casually when it just hits me, "Shit, I'm bad." This almost sounds like i'm saying it to be funny, but i'm not. Being bad sucks. I feel like i'm in the corner all the time, and no one is putting me there but myself.

I've come to find that being in the corner is my comfortable place. People looking at me that way is the way i've been looked at ever since I can remember. I can almost get away with saying and doing anything because, "That's just me". Maybe a defense mechanism of mine that, instead of dealing with real shit, burns it away. Sometimes, I feel bad, maybe that shows that i'm not too far gone and have a conscience - therefore am not THAT bad. But yet, I still do things sometimes that are even worse than those without consciences.

I don't know what's happened in the past few months, but i've completely lost myself. I blame someone else. Is that the truth or is the bad in me sinking deeper into denial?

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, there was an island. People were simple and lived in love and picked bananas, and were happy. They worked a little, ate plenty to keep themselves alive, and spent time with their families.

One day, a business man came into town. He told them that cars would make their jobs much easier, and that they should catch up with the modern times. The people asked, "What are cars?", he explained to them.. and it sounded like a nice convenient idea. The people told him they'd like cars... and then the business man told them, that to have cars - they would also need roads. "Well, what are roads?" the people ask.. "Well, roads are what the cars will travel on" said the business man.

So the people made their roads, and drove their cars. To afford their cars, they brought in some restaraunts the business man helped them develop. They worked, and worked to afford their cars, their higher taxes on the roads, and after a while of eating the fast food... they began to feel unhealthy. They gained weight, felt sleepy. So the business man came back, telling them to build an oval track in their village to walk around a few times a day to stay healthy.

And then it all hits full circle and the people asked, "Is this progress?"