You don't really know

As a person that has disturbing dreams every night, whether good or bad, his whole life - I had the most horrifying nightmare of my life last night. I always write down my dreams right after I have them. I wrote down the highlights on my blackberry once I calmed down. I needed to write it down in full length, so here I am. The end is the horrible part. Read on if you wish. And if you wanna interperate this, i'd love it!

The first thing I remember, is being in a kitchen. In a dark trailer-like place. My mother and dad were there. He walks in and is hinting around, I can't remember exact words. He sits a cake down, and my mom says, "October 55th..?..HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", like she forgot it. I remember thinking, "October 55th? His birthday is October 17th?" Anyway... she was talking about how she was sorry she forgot. That we had a cake so we would go out and get some more food then celebrate.

The next thing I know, I'm walking out the door and I feel drunk. I'm at the same farmhouse I was in a previous nightmare of mine about a week ago. My parents are standing in the yard next to each other, and I'm trying to get to them but i'm falling over and i'm so dizzy I just keep telling them i'm dizzy. My mom carries me (? Yeah, she couldn't carry me in real life, LOL) to a truck. An old, small, rusty-red truck. There are blankets stacked up to the top of the cab in the back. I say i'm okay. That I don't need to go that i'm feeling better, because i'm thinking the hospital will find drugs in my system. My mom takes me anyway.

She drops me off at a subway station, and there is a woman saying symtoms of something like an intercom naming off the stops on a bus. I don't have any of them. There are women all around me (YES, all of my dreams turn sexual SOMEHOW) and one hot one keeps looking at me. My friend Matt calls me, and tells me he is with my ex-adopted father. Suddenly, I am on a school bus with the hot girl and a few other people. My stop is the next one. The bus is headed towards my childhood home. And just like that, i'm off the bus with my things on a table. Outside. With the hot girl and two other people. My house feels so far away.

We are all shocked to be off the bus. I notice that the other people are old friends I had back in school. I look back, into a park, where a friend I haven't talked to in months was walking towards me. I pretended not to see her for a minute. I look down to see a hole in my shirt. I notice she is right behind me, so I turn around. We look at each other for about a minute, just smiling. I then jump on her and give her a hug.

That is the last part of this part of the dream that I remember fully. I do remember being in my house full of friends I rarely see for a second or two. And then..

I was laying in bed. My bed that I was sleeping in last night. I was in the same room, but it had a few differences. I was watching two young people. A young woman with a lavender shirt and brown hair, and a young guy. Thuggish. Wearing black.

They talked for a few minutes. I listened to every word, watching, but I don't remember all of what they said. The guy asks the girl for drug money. She says she's sorry, but she can't give him any. He says something in disapointment, holds his hand like he has a gun in it, and shoots himself up his stomach all the way to his head. There is no blood. There are no holes, there is no gun. It's like he's miming it. The girl is horrified like there is.

Then the girl does the same. Invisible gun, invisible gun shots. She looks over to see the guy stumbling, falling like he's dying. She starts to do the same. She falls against a mirrored closet door. She sees herself bloody, dead, white. She looks up to see him dead and zombie like over her.

All of these things that happened happened so slowly, like the reactions were so delayed. I was trying to scream but screams wouldn't come out. I was yelling for my girlfriend. I was beating on the wall and thrashing around and trying to make all the noise I could trying not to see it. I kept seeing that same image for a good two minutes or so before I felt her put her arms around me and told me she was there. I was calm completely. Awake. And I turned I sat up and turned around and she wasn't there.

I then freaked out, ran out of my room, grabbed my keys and left.

Haha.

Ugh...

Good morning, world.